3 Ways to Keep Her Interested

3 Ways to Keep Her Interested

Sometimes after being in a relationship for a long time things can get repetitive and monoutous. And sometimes women lose interest. Here are some things that you can do to keep her interested or keep the relationship alive.

  1. Surprise her. I cannot stress this enough, women love surprises and even if they say they don’t they do. But it has to be a well thought out surprise. For example: cook her dinner one day, send flowers to her job, write her a song, and do it all just because- this will keep definitely keep her interested, in fact she might be smitten

  2. Give her time to miss you. Now I am not an advocate for games in which you wait 2/3 days to call, but I think it is always nice to spend time doing stuff with your friends and for yourself and then coming back to your significant other. Distance definitely makes the heart goes fonder.

  3. Take her out somewhere different that you haven’t gone too, or some place that you don’t normally go. For example: a broadway play, a live show, a concert, laser tag, beach, picnic, fireworks, exotic cuisine

Make Time or End it

Make Time or End it….

One thing I cannot stand are excuses. When it comes to a relationship there is no such thing as too busy and anyone who tells you different is lying. I was able to maintain a relationship while being a double major in college, a resident assistant, in a choir, and in other school activies at the same exact time. I always make time for those who are important to me and if your significant other is not making time for you or making efforts to do so it is time to end your relationship. I have seen people within long distance relationships make time for someone they love who aren’t even around so there is no excuse for making the time. A relationship is all about compromise and circumstance and if you cannot do either one even if you work crazy hours or have many obligations then you do not belong in a relationship. If when it comes to your relationship you have to think hard about squeezing in 30 minutes just to hear your significant other’s voice then your relationship is doomed and you should really prioritize your schedule or walk away. It is as simple as that. Make time or End it because no one wants to come 3rd or 4th place in your list of priorities and if you value what you have with someone you will work hard to maintain it. One song that comes to mind when I think of making time in a relationship is the classic 702 song entitled, “Make Time.” I love this song and you should definetely check it out. Please send me your opinions and your feedback. Have you ever been in relationship in which you just didnt have the time or your significant other just wouldnt make time for you? How did that make you feel and did you do anything to resolve the issue. I would love to here from you and Thanks for reading.


Are You A Benchwarmer?

Definition of a benchwarmer: a substitute who seldom plays, an athlete who plays only when a starter of the team is replaced or, “someone who fills a seat until the TRUE owner takes their seat.”

Have you ever been so into someone just to find out that that person had either just went through a bad breakup or just been hurt too many times and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship? Sometimes a person will still choose to talk to someone even though they have made it clear that they want nothing further. They think that they can somehow change this person’s mind and sweep them off their feet. And what ends up happening is that the person they are into uses them and just “hangs out” with them whenever they are bored. By the time they realize that they have had enough their interest has met another amazing individual and is now ready to make them the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You were just the seat filler, the guy or girl they were “kicking it with” with until they were ready to actually put in effort for someone else. You were the person who made them realize they did want something real but took too long to realize it. Now someone else is benefiting from the fruits of your labor. It leaves you thinking, “what does he/she have that I don’t”? You feel insecure and just pissed that you ever gave that person any of your time. Does this sound familiar? If it does please read on. Here are 5  signs that you might be a benchwarmer and ways you can prevent this from ever happening again. (YOU ARE MORE THAN A SEAT FILLER, YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE GAME, THE MVP, AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT) If you start acting like an MVP, you will attract those who value, value the moment they see it.

1) Your person of interest does not take you out ever. If someone is interested in you and really wants to get to know you as a person they will invest time and money in order to do that. If they are looking for just another “buddy” to mess around with or fill time with they will hang out with you only at their house or yours and never offer to do anything that might require effort or involve your interests.

2) The person you like NEVER CALLS YOU and only texts you. I have said this before and I am going to say it again YOU ARE WORTH A PHONE CALL and if they don’t think that, you are definitely just a benchwarmer in their eyes.

3) The person you like only calls or texts you when they are bored. They don’t actually hit you up because they miss you and wan’t to talk to you, you are just another person in their phone who they can bug when they have no plans on a saturday night.

4) Nobody in this person’s circle knows about your existence. If the person you have an interest in hasn’t told not one person about you, then you are probably not someone they think is special, and the truth is YOU ARE.

5) This person has had their heart broken and now doesn’t feel like putting in any effort for you at all. They have a, “i don’t give a crap attitude” and you have become the shoulder they can lean on even when they didn’t ask for one. Chances are they are taking you for granted and making themselves emotionally unavailable on purpose. NEWS FLASH YOU DIDN’T HURT THEM, SO WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR THEIR EX’S MISTAKES…..you shouldn’t, you’re a freakin MVP please start acting like one.

A person can only continuously hurt you if you allow them to, don’t do that. I think a lot of times we forget our price tag and undermine our value. Your value is indefinite. Thanks for reading guys. Email me questions or ideas at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog on twitter @iwantmykisses

Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else

Okay some of you are probably thinking, “date yourself” what the hell are you talking about. Well let me explain. I think that in order for a person to love you, you need to not just love yourself first but also be completely comfortable with yourself. My best friend made me realize that I was not comfortable with myself a while back. I love myself dearly but being comfortable was a whole other level. Ask yourself this: Do you do things that you love to do by yourself? Or do you always need a companion by your side to go out and enjoy life? If your friends or a potential date isn’t available do you sit inside thinking “oh well they are flaky i will just stay in tonight” Put an end to that now. Can you go to the movies by yourself and not feel awkward? How about a concert? or those salsa lessons you’ve always wanted to try? Or that new poetry spot. If you feel awkward doing things by yourself then you are probably not fully comfortable with yourself. Of course there are some activities that do require others and I do not suggest going out to eat by yourself but there are plenty of things you can do by yourself.
I think that a person who can go out and enjoy life without needing a significant other or person to validate them or keep them company is the most desirable candidate. Think about it. A person who is comfortable and confident with their own identity will most likely not be needy or clingy because they don’t need another person’s attention to validate their own existence. They simply exist and enjoy life. A significant other would simply complement them but not define them. And why would you want to put so much power in another person’s hand? Honestly some people put a lot of pressure on their mates by relying on them for everything/happiness and that pushes people away. Nobody wants that type of responsibility because the moment they make a mistake or do something wrong they fear they can easily break your heart. The man or woman who has his or her own life and friends, and passions are the most sought out candidates in the dating world. They are strong and confident and can live just fine without another person by their side. They know how to make themselves happy so it makes it easier for them to make a potential candidate even happier. They exude positive energy and everyone loves and wants to be around positive energy.
I love anything comedic for that very reason. Comedy makes me laugh and smiling is good for the soul so I can watch funny videos/shows for hours. The same goes for being around someone, if they exude positive energy you are automatically going to be drawn to them. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative, and always in need of attention. In fact most people want to give others attention when they do not ask for it. Think about it. Usually when a person blows up your phone and gives you no space to breathe you get irritated and you pull away but when they don’t you want to speak to them more. If you are not comfortable in your own skin I suggest you focus on that before you focus on another. People cannot fill the voids that we need to fill ourselves. If you rely on others all the time for your own happiness you will end up unhappy. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself, your health and appearance. Have fun, do things with your friends and put that energy into your career. Love will come when you least expect it and once you know how to truly love yourself you will be able to love someone else.

Kisses xoxo

Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage

So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!

Facebook Relationship Mistakes 101

Okay there are sooo many things I can say about facebook and relationships but for the sake of not writing a novel I will spare you, but I will briefly discuss. A lot of times I hear people say that Facebook messed up their relationship and blah blah blah. NO!! YOU MESSED UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP, not a free social networking website YOU YOU YOU. Okay sorry that was a little dramatic, especially since I am not talking to you persay, just those who are indeed guilty of this lol, but I had to make a point. If you allow a social network or the people on them to destroy your relationship then honestly was it really that strong of a relationship to begin with?? And honestly there are so many mistakes or things I see on facebook that people do. For one, this is how I feel about FB- STFU. Yes simply that. While I think that facebook is a great way to network and to keep in touch with friends and family, I also think it is seriously getting in the way of actual interaction among the human race outside of the digital world and therefore changing the context of relationships.
1)      To status or not status, Should you put your relationships status on fb? A lot of people and even I am guilty of not putting my relationship status on fb with the argument that too many people are nosey and up in my business blah blah.  The truth of the matter is it shouldn’t matter if the world knows who you are dating or if you are in a relationship, because if you truly care about that person then you wouldn’t need them to be a secret. Now if both parties don’t feel the need to even put their status on fb then that is fine, but I am not a fan of one party putting their status up and the other claiming they are single, it just seems sketch.
2)      Putting that you are in a relationship with your best friend (ladies this is for you)- I just think it’s unnecessary
3)      TMI- stop putting your entire life on fb in your statuses, I hate to say it but it’s just not cool. It’s like having a diary and posting it on the internet for the whole world to see. Keep personal things personal. Do not announce to the fb world that you and your significant other are having a fight and that you are sorry or not sorry at all—I guarantee your relationship will suffer or disintegrate—this happened to me- an ex put our business all on fb—-bye bye relationship, needless to say that was a dumb move…
4)      Don’t spam your significant others page a million times just because you want to show to the world that you are a part of their world or that you miss them. I see nothing wrong with a few comments here and there but don’t fill up their wall, it makes you look clingy and if you are truly dating this person you have other avenues of contacting them such as via in person, phone calls and texts.
5)      If you have to find out about your significant other’s life via facebook, please re-evaluate your relationship….no seriously. If you have to find out where your significant other is by looking on fb and seeing where they checked in or etc… that’s a problem, because to me it would seem as if your significant other was in a relationship with fb and not you…….a.k.a not cool.
6)      Erasing comments- if your significant other is erasing your comments and they are normal comments like, “I miss you”, or “hey baby” then clearly something sketch is going on. I remember that stuff in the MySpace days- when people would trip out about not being in someone’s top 8—–smh