Today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and that is forgiving your ex. I felt it was necessary for me to do a post on this because forgiving my ex was one of the hardest things I had to do. In fact a part of why I started this blog has to do with the empowerment that I felt after actually forgiving my past. For me this blog symbolizes taking back your soul and really just working on having healthy relationships in today’s world. I do not think it would be possible for anybody to have a healthy relationship with someone if they held onto the pain from their past.
Awhile back I was in a very turbulent relationship. My ex didn’t show me affection, didn’t treat me the way that I deserved to be treated, and at the time I allowed it to happen. I was cheated on and lied to, and I was kept a secret from his family and friends. Now I know you guys are wondering why would you stay? why would you put up with that? Well there were times I didn’t stay, it was and on and off situation, but then we always came back to each other. One day I realized that I did not like who I became. I became simply a reflection of a man and had lost myself in someone who wasn’t even deserving of my love. This was not healthy and I had truly forgotten my worth, and I wanted my kisses back, they were given under false pretenses. He had walked away yet another time, but this time I was angry, I was a woman scorned. I wanted him to feel what I felt, cry those tears I cried. But then I realized I was wasting time concerned about someone who slept just fine at night. And I also realized that, that was not the person I was. The person I am would wish nothing bad on anyone else, not even an enemy.
My heart was broken and I couldn’t understand why for him I wasn’t enough. Well I stopped thinking I wasn’t enough, because I knew I was more than enough. I know I am not perfect but I was a very loving and forgiving girlfriend and I was not about to let this boy continue to have control over me and my soul. You see forgiveness is not for the other person. Most likely the other person is doing just fine. Forgiveness is truly for yourself. When you don’t forgive someone you hold on to the pain that they caused you. Why would you want to hold on to something that gets you no where. It’s like worrying, it’s like a rocking chair, you rock back and forth, but it gets you absolutely no where. No point in it at all. The same goes for forgiveness. When you hold onto what an ex did, you leave no room for you to grow or for someone else that treats you better to enter your life. It was hard. I cried a lot.
One thing I can truly say, is that my situation changed me as a woman. I no longer allow or will ever allow a man to treat me that way again. And I don’t think every man is like my ex, I know there are plenty of great men out there. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have my own life and my own individuality. I am not a woman scorned or simply a product of my circumstance. And that is my message to anyone out there struggling to forgive their ex. You do not have to be a product of your circumstance and there is someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. What helped me get through that tough time in my life was my spiritual relationships, focusing on actually loving myself and doing things that allowed personal growth, and now I can honestly say I have forgiven my ex. I could have a cordial conversation with my ex without feeling angry or like I want them back or anything of that nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I actually hope they have learned from our experience and that they treat the next woman the way every woman should be treated; with true love and respect.
Remember you do not have to be a product of your circumstance. Take your soul back and get in control of your life. Moving on sometimes can be a great thing, because you have no idea what amazing things you have waiting for you.
For ways to get back that confidence and love for yourself check out my blog post entitled, Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else and Tips for getting over a Breakup.
Thanks for reading!!