Why Jealousy Has No Place In A Relationship

                   A few days ago I received a text from an old boyfriend/friend telling me to not write on his timeline on facebook anymore and to only contact him via text message or email, because his girlfriend was upset that I was writing on his wall, and that he didn’t want his family to talk about them behind his back. Pretty much he was trying to avoid an “unneccesary” argument. When I received this text I wasn’t having the best of days and after reading it I was even more agitated and just right out APPALLED. I was so appalled that I deleted him from facebook; for those of you thinking I went to far, I am going to explain why I took it there.
                   I dated this guy 6 years ago as a late teen and only for a few months. I am now in my twenties and I just didn’t understand why his girlfriend would be so upset. Me and this guy are friends and we have not been romantically involved in 6 years and our relationship was not even longterm, and to top it off all I wrote on his timeline was a simple “how are you?” “how have you been?” I am not one to go on rants about things but I felt this was worthy of a blog post because it is the pure definition of jealousy and insecurity all balled up in one, which I believe has absolutely, positively no place in a relationship whatsoever.
                    A simple “how are you?” is very harmless and what makes that situation worse is that she does know I am his ex from a very long time ago. I think her getting upset over a simple hello, how are you shows that she is insecure and does not trust her boyfriend. On top of that I do not even live in the same state as this so called “friend” of mine and almost never see him. Why am I threat? I am in a very loving relationship with a man who knows about that ex in particular and has no problem at all with our platonic friendship. In fact I have friends that are males that may write on my fb page and it does not affect him at all because for one he completely trusts me wholeheartedly, and he is a confident man who is not insecure, and we are very open with our communication. Jealousy has absolutely no place within a relationship because it hinders a relationships’ growth and causes unnecessary tension that could result in the loss of friendships and other relationships with people. If the person you are with does not trust you then your relationship will not be successful and you will have a lot of problems down the road. In fact in my opinion you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you completely trust a person, because trust is at the foundation of every relationship.
                      As a result of this annoying text message I simply told my “friend” that I wouldn’t be contacting him at all, because I did not feel the need to contact him in secret when I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Extreme acts of jealousy such as the one displayed in this story in my opinion has to be a result of insecurities. I think that if you want to maintain a healthy relationship any insecurities should be addressed and the root of those insecurities should be addressed in order avoid extreme cases of unnecessary jealously. Jealousy like that would definitely push me away from a significant other and be extremely stressful.

Are You A Benchwarmer?

Definition of a benchwarmer: a substitute who seldom plays, an athlete who plays only when a starter of the team is replaced or, “someone who fills a seat until the TRUE owner takes their seat.”

Have you ever been so into someone just to find out that that person had either just went through a bad breakup or just been hurt too many times and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship? Sometimes a person will still choose to talk to someone even though they have made it clear that they want nothing further. They think that they can somehow change this person’s mind and sweep them off their feet. And what ends up happening is that the person they are into uses them and just “hangs out” with them whenever they are bored. By the time they realize that they have had enough their interest has met another amazing individual and is now ready to make them the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You were just the seat filler, the guy or girl they were “kicking it with” with until they were ready to actually put in effort for someone else. You were the person who made them realize they did want something real but took too long to realize it. Now someone else is benefiting from the fruits of your labor. It leaves you thinking, “what does he/she have that I don’t”? You feel insecure and just pissed that you ever gave that person any of your time. Does this sound familiar? If it does please read on. Here are 5  signs that you might be a benchwarmer and ways you can prevent this from ever happening again. (YOU ARE MORE THAN A SEAT FILLER, YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE GAME, THE MVP, AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT) If you start acting like an MVP, you will attract those who value, value the moment they see it.

1) Your person of interest does not take you out ever. If someone is interested in you and really wants to get to know you as a person they will invest time and money in order to do that. If they are looking for just another “buddy” to mess around with or fill time with they will hang out with you only at their house or yours and never offer to do anything that might require effort or involve your interests.

2) The person you like NEVER CALLS YOU and only texts you. I have said this before and I am going to say it again YOU ARE WORTH A PHONE CALL and if they don’t think that, you are definitely just a benchwarmer in their eyes.

3) The person you like only calls or texts you when they are bored. They don’t actually hit you up because they miss you and wan’t to talk to you, you are just another person in their phone who they can bug when they have no plans on a saturday night.

4) Nobody in this person’s circle knows about your existence. If the person you have an interest in hasn’t told not one person about you, then you are probably not someone they think is special, and the truth is YOU ARE.

5) This person has had their heart broken and now doesn’t feel like putting in any effort for you at all. They have a, “i don’t give a crap attitude” and you have become the shoulder they can lean on even when they didn’t ask for one. Chances are they are taking you for granted and making themselves emotionally unavailable on purpose. NEWS FLASH YOU DIDN’T HURT THEM, SO WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR THEIR EX’S MISTAKES…..you shouldn’t, you’re a freakin MVP please start acting like one.

A person can only continuously hurt you if you allow them to, don’t do that. I think a lot of times we forget our price tag and undermine our value. Your value is indefinite. Thanks for reading guys. Email me questions or ideas at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog on twitter @iwantmykisses