TMI – too much information …….no seriously

So on Sunday I was watching one of my favorite shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” with Patti Stanger, and after she was featured on a show in which her fans could ask her questions about relationships. The host asked her what was one of the top mistakes people make on first dates, and she said “TMI”. I thought this was interesting because I was veryyy guilty of doing this myself, so I thought I would write a blog post about it. And I know that I am not the only one that has made this mistake before. For those of you who don’t know what show I am talking about, it is a show on Bravo that is about a matchmaker, Patti Stanger who finds love for millionaires. I came across the show a few months ago and now I’m hooked. While I don’t agree with everything Patti has to say, I agree with a lot. The show appeals to me because, well we all want love and also it shows the common mistakes that we all make sometimes or mistakes we would NEVER make lol. I know for sure that I am definitely going to try to avoid making the TMI mistake again.
During the segment after Patti’s show, she pretty much said that people give too much information about their past relationships or painful situations that they have gone through in their lives way too soon. This appealed to me because there was a situation in which I was getting to know someone at a rough time in my life. I was having what I would call an “emotional week”. I am actually a very private person, but during our first few conversations they asked me about my past relationships and being overly emotional, I told a little too much about them and only focused on the negative. After this happened the guy who will not be named made some assumptions about me and I was livid. The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t have told him anything about the past just as yet. I couldn’t even blame him for making those assumptions. All he had to go on was what I was giving him and what I was showing him. Remember if, “someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Well that was a stupid move on my part and he already had in his mind a picture of me. First impressions are key and we all go through a lot in our lives, but revealing those things right away, show a red flag because the person makes assumptions without knowing all the facts and puts you in a category.
Stay away from TMI….no seriously. It’s kind of like when your friend tells you about their bowel movements and about how much gas they have. WOAA TMI. Or it’s like those facebook statuses that pop up in your newsfeed displaying information you probably shouldn’t know because chances are that person isn’t even that close to you. Yet somehow you know their baby daddy won’t pay child support or that so and so is currently at the mall located at 123 cherry lane. I know this one guy who started to talk to this girl who had lost a male friend. Well, that was all she would talk about and she made it seem as if the relationship they had was deeper than friendship. So the girl asked the guy I know to go with her to the grave site after only knowing him for a few days or was it one day hmm. While I understand that she was going through a lot I think that would turn me off if it was the other way around, because you barely know the person and they are asking you to share a moment that you don’t think you are ready for or even know too much about. It’s too much, it’s too heavy. It’s like meeting someone and saying, “hey I’ve only known you for 24 hours but could you come with me to this funeral”…..AWKWARDD. I think the first time you meet someone should be fun and focused on getting to know a person’s personality and what interests you both share, that way if you guys hit it off then you can share those things as time progresses….just saying.

Fellas she’s just not that into if……

Hey guys so I thought that this would be a good topic to blog about. In my opinion and in the opinion of some people I know these are some factors that I think let a guy and a girl know if someone is into them or not. Clearly there are exceptions to some of these, and feel free to add to the list in a comment or email me at J Thanks for reading. Btw this is in reference to being interested in dating someone, and not simply sleeping with someone…just to clarify.
Fellas she’s just not that into you if:
-She doesn’t care if you call her or text
-If she only calls you once a week or less
-She avoids your calls or texts
-She brings her friends or etc in order to avoid intimate settings
-If she doesn’t make time for you
-She cancels on you more than once
-Every time you Im her on fb chat- she coincidently signs off
-If she says she’s not a phone person, and never talks to you on the phone
-If she disappears periodically
-If she is still seeing other people after 3 months of “dating”
-If her friends know nothing about you
-If she won’t accept your friend request on facebook
-If she doesn’t poke you back on facebook (lol)
Ladies don’t think I forgot about you……He’s just not that into you if:
-He doesn’t call you or text
-If he doesn’t return your calls/or if he ignores them
-If he never wants to take you out
-If he only hits you up during booty call hours (after 12- there are some exceptions)
-If he only wants to chill at his house all the time
-If he doesn’t make time for you
-If he doesn’t incorporate you in future plans
-If he disappears periodically
-If his friends know nothing about you- and you haven’t met them
-If his family knows nothing about you- depending on timing of course
-If he says he’s not a phone person and never calls
-If he is still seeing other people after 3 months of “dating”
-If he says he “doesn’t know what he wants”
I am sure I probably missed a few, so feel free to add to this list. At the end of the day you deserve to be with someone who wants to put in the effort to actually really get to know you as a person and show you who they are. If you do want a relationship, and a person isn’t really into you or into putting in an effort to build something, why waste your time?
xoxo Kisses J

Courtship is dying………no maybe it’s dead:???

Definition of courtship as told by Wikipedia: Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.
Do men really court women anymore? Or are women just making it a lot easier for them. I spoke to a guy friend of mine the other day and he told me that he was old fashioned and believed in putting in effort in order to get a woman to be “Wifey”. While I thought this was the sweetest thing ever, I also thought to myself who else really thinks like this in 2011?? I won’t discredit the 5% of men out there that actually do court women, but let’s face it there aren’t that many that have this idea in mind. And to be honest a lot of women aren’t really making it a challenge for men. More and more women today don’t know their worth, and so they just give up their time, their goodies and whatever else a guy wants for little to no effort at all. (Not all women) If women are giving it up that easy or just saying yes to whatever, then why on earth would a guy even feel the need to have to court a woman, and take the time out to do those nice things that all women rightly deserve? I know courtship is dying, because whenever I see a guy open a door for a woman I am shocked. I am delighted, but shocked. I shouldn’t be shocked. What is wrong with showing mannerisms that reflect kindness and respect?  I was on the train going home and an elderly woman had a suitcase that was blocking the walkway, and in a car full of men not one guy offered to help. A woman got up and asked the elderly woman if she needed help and as she helped she proceeded to say, “men nowadays don’t help at all, chivalry is dead, no wonder why so many women become lesbians”….now that’s another post within itself. But that simple act showed me that chivalry and anything of the like is dead or …dying. I’ve had times when I was struggling with bags and not one man in my presence would offer to help. My mother saw a pregnant lady standing up on a train and not one man offered to give up their seat- she was appalled. In my mother’s words exactly:
“We as a generation settle with shit”—-in my opinion she is completely right.
And honestly to the men out there that actually practice chivalry and courtship, kudos to you!!!(If I didn’t include this, my male friends might kill me- and rightfully so, because not everyone thinks chivalry and courtship is dead- hey the world is huge- I would love to travel and see how men in different cultures and places are when it comes to this topic) A lot of guys in my area are giving other guys a bad rep.
Now I am not saying that this is the case for all men, because I know “a few good men”—get it ha ha ha ok bad joke. I know a few men that open doors, help with bags, take women out, get up for pregnant ladies on trains, buy flowers and the whole shebang, but to be honest I don’t see this happening very often. I think alot of women see that this is rare and so they lower their standards and make it easier for a guy to get their time. When in reality guys standards AREN’T CHANGING. They put you in categories, you’re either “wifey”, a “hoe” or “somewhere in the middle.” If you raise your standards they will have to either step it up and put some effort in, or simply keep it moving. Ladies wouldn’t you rather find out from the beginning if he even thinks you are worth the effort? If he doesn’t then you are probably better off. And men we all know you value the “wifey type,” and the women who respect themselves and give you a little mystery. I think a lot of guys don’t like yes women, you know those women that say yes to everything and submit and don’t set standards or morals for themselves. While it would be nice to have a woman or man that says yes to everything it eventually gets boring and that’s when people seek out new interests, new challenges and new people. Men if you’re lazy or you just think that courtship is for suckers and women shouldn’t be treated like the Queens they are then you shouldn’t expect to be treated like a King. For the ladies that do fit in this category, I urge that you get some “higher standards” and lay it on the line. Of course women should do their part too and put in effort, but only for the right Knight in shining armor….just saying.

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