Tag: dating

Playing the field- Is it really okay???

Posted on by Kisses

So you were dating this amazing guy and you decided to not date any other guys while seeing him, but now he has moved on and left you high and dry for the next chick faster than you can say, “but baby why”. And now you are wondering what you did wrong. How can you fix it? etc This is a requested topic. A friend of mine wanted to know my thoughts on dating different men at the same and for the sake of the request I will keep it gender specific but what I have to say applies to both men and women and all types of dating relationships. No one is exempt lol. My thoughts are simple… I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating more than one guy at the same time, and when I say dating I do not mean being in a committed relationship, i mean simply that, “dating”.

Most guys date women simultaneously. It is called playing the field. Getting to know different people and feeling them out before you make a decision to commit. When a guy does it, it is seen as keeping his options open but sometimes when a woman does it she is seen as loose or not desirable. That is complete and utter bull*** and a double standard that i do not endorse. I think that women should play the field and get to know different guys within reason. Dating is time consuming and sometimes costly if you have to pay to get to the person etc so choose who you date wisely. Also if you do date other men, when one decides to dip on you it will be easier to deal with because you have other options. If a guy has his options open I do not see why you can’t have your options open as well.

While I think it is okay to date other guys at the same time I think that it is important that you inform the guys that you are dating that you are dating or talking to other people. I don’t think its cool to keep that information from someone you are seeing, they have a right to know that. Also there is absolutely nothing wrong with just seeing one person at a time. Some people like to do that because they like to just focus on one person at a time but make sure you know where the other person stands on this as well so that if they are seeing other people, you know. You shouldn’t choose to see other people out of spite, do it simply because you want to. Here is the tricky part, while i think it is okay to date or talk to different guys at the same time I don’t think a woman should be having sex with all of the men she is seeing. This puts you at risk for getting a disease or getting pregnant. I think if you do choose to take it to that level that is when you should decide on one person that you are intimate with in order to keep yourself safe. While dating other guys is a good way to really figure out what you want and meet new people there is always a possibility that a guy that you really like can hurt you and that is why it is so important to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin before you date. If you don’t love yourself the moment a guy disappears you will be so distraught and feel like you’ve lost everything when in reality you didn’t lose much just a guy who isnt the one.

Kisses
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Chemistry is simply not enough!

Posted on by Kisses

So you’ve met this guy or girl who you think really gets you. You both click really well and he or she laughs at your jokes and you already have inside jokes together. You both can talk on the phone for hours at a time and you guys have ….dare I say it, CHEMISTRY. This person makes your heart skip a beat whenever they are around or they make you laugh so much that your belly hurts and now you think you want to be in a relationship with them. Let me say this right now, chemistry is not enough and it never will be and here’s why:
Just because you and someone else have chemistry doesn’t mean you are compatible. To be honest there will probably be quite a few people that you come across that you “click” with and have that so called, “connection” with, but you need to connect on all levels; body, mind and soul. Ask yourself these very important questions: Are you and the person you like actually compatible? Do you have the same religious views? Do you both wants kids? If so, when do you want kids? What are your career goals? and do they intertwine? Do you both want to get married? Do you both have similar goals in terms of location? How do each of you deal with conflict? How are both parties with their families? Are there kids involved? How are you with money? Are you a neat freak? Does it matter if a person isn’t a neat freak? These are the things you really need to discuss if you actually want to develop a relationship with someone. You can talk to someone till 4 in the morning about how much you love 90’s nick, which is great but don’t forget those important questions along the way. It will save you so much time and money and maybe even a “broken” heart. If your long-term goals don’t line up then chances are you will have a lot of turbulence in your relationship down the line.
At the same time it goes both ways, if you are compatible with someone but have no spark or chemistry it will also not work out. Does this person give you butterflies in your tummy? Do you think about them in the morning and before you go to sleep at night? Do they make your heart smile? (yes i know sentimental and gushy- but i am serious) If you don’t feel that spark, compatibility won’t matter either because that relationship will get boring real quick. You need both chemistry and compatibility for a relationship to thrive. It’s like those “now what” commercials. Okay so you are cute and I am attracted to you, now what??? You need more than a cute face. Okay so we spoke till 4 in the morning for 4 nights in a row….now what??? Remember chemistry is simply not enough.

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-Kisses xoxo

A Witness to Bull****

Posted on by Kisses

Two weeks ago right before valentine’s day I witnessed a very sad and appalling travesty. Yes I feel the need to be completely dramatic, because what I saw was that serious. I went to dinner with one of my close female friends and as we were sitting in “Fridays” my friend informed me that the female behind me had just been stood up midway into dinner. WHATTT!! So pretty much the waiter asked the guy that she was with to see his id after he ordered an alcoholic beverage and then he said oh I think I dropped my id outside when I got out the car. Well she was waiting for him for atleast an hour because he had gone to leave before me and my friend had received our food and we were finished and ready to go and she was left alone. What makes this whole thing even worse is the fact that the guy was also her ride. My friend overheard the whole story while I stepped away to go to the restroom. I wanted to turn around so bad and show my sympathy for this girl. This is an example of complete and utter bull***. This guy takes the cake and award for a**hole of the year. No woman should be left alone on a date, even if the person isn’t interested. Not only was this woman left with the bill, but she was left with no ride. You have to be a very heartless and cold person to do that to someone. I hope she knows that she deserves so much better. Guys like that make it harder for the great men of the world to date, because more women have their guards up and refuse to let them in. Moral of the story is, there are some cold people out there, but if something like this happens to you, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It probably means you need to choose better and that the next time you see this person on street please trip them into reality, cause that isn’t cool. Know your worth, and everyone is worth more than that. No one deserves that kind of treatment so hold your head high and keep it moving. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!—he definitely is not—-loser

Nice guys do finish last!!!

Posted on by Kisses

You know the saying, “nice guys finish last,” well I agree with this. Now before you scream at me like whatttt, let me explain. In my opinion I think that a woman wants a guy who is a nice guy but has a little bad side to them. When I say bad I mean mysterious and fun. While I do want a good/nice guy, a lot of good guys are not mysterious and give way too much way too soon. I personally want a guy that can keep me on my toes and treat me good at the same time. I like to wonder a little and I like a guy that doesn’t reveal all of himself all at once. While I like some mystery that doesn’t mean I want a guy that leaves me hanging and confused on where we stand, it just means I like a guy that gives me my own space and time to miss him and who will also give me more of himself gradually.
There was this guy I dated once and he was a nice guy but he was just too nice. He always agreed with me, he smothered me and honestly he kissed my a**. That is nice for a little while but after awhile that ish gets boring. I want someone who will tell me when I am wrong and speak their mind. (Respectfully ofcourse : ) We are human and we love challenges, it is just a part of our nature, so if something is too easy after awhile we want something different and new. “Mr. too nice” that I was talking about earlier was also super cheesy. Sometimes when a guy is too nice he comes off cheesy, because it seems like he’s trying too hard. Sometimes the too nice act can come off as phony and just straight thirsty, and nobody wants a thirsty dude…it is simply not cute. There are guys out there that decide you know what I am not going to be nice anymore and I am going to be an a**hole so I can attract more women. I don’t think you need to be an a**hole to attract women. I think that you have to be nice within reason and not give everything up so soon. It’s like sex. If someone gives it up too soon sometimes they can come off as being too easy, and nobody wants an easy girl or guy. It is the same concept for dating, nobody wants someone who isn’t a challenge. Everyone likes a chase. I am not a fan of games so I am a pretty direct person, but at the same time I like to leave certain things up to imagination.
Give someone time to miss you, don’t blow up their phone. Live your life and show the person you are interested in that you care without being too overbearing. If you are too clingy and too nice too soon it comes off as needy, predictable and just okay. You never want to be just “okay” to someone, cause then that means they are just not that into you. As for the a**holes of the world, yeah they might get a lot of traffic coming their way but you have to ask yourself what type of women are they attracting. Are those women secure with who they are? Do they know their self worth? Because if a women is secure with who she is, she won’t put up with a guy who is an a**hole or a dick. I am guilty of putting up with it in the past, but now I refuse to do that, because then not only would nice guys finish last but so would I. The keyword here is balance, balance, balance. Be yourself, live your life, but dont be overbearing, too predictable or thirsty. Don’t give it all away at once. You have so much to give, so spread it out and keep her wondering…..she will stick around to find out more I promise.

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Kisses

Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage

Posted on by Kisses

So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!

Facebook Relationship Mistakes 101

Posted on by Kisses
Okay there are sooo many things I can say about facebook and relationships but for the sake of not writing a novel I will spare you, but I will briefly discuss. A lot of times I hear people say that Facebook messed up their relationship and blah blah blah. NO!! YOU MESSED UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP, not a free social networking website YOU YOU YOU. Okay sorry that was a little dramatic, especially since I am not talking to you persay, just those who are indeed guilty of this lol, but I had to make a point. If you allow a social network or the people on them to destroy your relationship then honestly was it really that strong of a relationship to begin with?? And honestly there are so many mistakes or things I see on facebook that people do. For one, this is how I feel about FB- STFU. Yes simply that. While I think that facebook is a great way to network and to keep in touch with friends and family, I also think it is seriously getting in the way of actual interaction among the human race outside of the digital world and therefore changing the context of relationships.
1)      To status or not status, Should you put your relationships status on fb? A lot of people and even I am guilty of not putting my relationship status on fb with the argument that too many people are nosey and up in my business blah blah.  The truth of the matter is it shouldn’t matter if the world knows who you are dating or if you are in a relationship, because if you truly care about that person then you wouldn’t need them to be a secret. Now if both parties don’t feel the need to even put their status on fb then that is fine, but I am not a fan of one party putting their status up and the other claiming they are single, it just seems sketch.
2)      Putting that you are in a relationship with your best friend (ladies this is for you)- I just think it’s unnecessary
3)      TMI- stop putting your entire life on fb in your statuses, I hate to say it but it’s just not cool. It’s like having a diary and posting it on the internet for the whole world to see. Keep personal things personal. Do not announce to the fb world that you and your significant other are having a fight and that you are sorry or not sorry at all—I guarantee your relationship will suffer or disintegrate—this happened to me- an ex put our business all on fb—-bye bye relationship, needless to say that was a dumb move…
4)      Don’t spam your significant others page a million times just because you want to show to the world that you are a part of their world or that you miss them. I see nothing wrong with a few comments here and there but don’t fill up their wall, it makes you look clingy and if you are truly dating this person you have other avenues of contacting them such as via in person, phone calls and texts.
5)      If you have to find out about your significant other’s life via facebook, please re-evaluate your relationship….no seriously. If you have to find out where your significant other is by looking on fb and seeing where they checked in or etc… that’s a problem, because to me it would seem as if your significant other was in a relationship with fb and not you…….a.k.a not cool.
6)      Erasing comments- if your significant other is erasing your comments and they are normal comments like, “I miss you”, or “hey baby” then clearly something sketch is going on. I remember that stuff in the MySpace days- when people would trip out about not being in someone’s top 8—–smh

VH1 TOUGH LOVE- PREMIERES TONIGHT

Posted on by Kisses

Hey guys so I am super excited right now…..okay I don’t care if that makes me seem lame lol. But tonight at 8/7C on VH1, a new season of “Tough Love” premieres. I love this show because Steve Ward tells it like it is. For those of you who are wondering what this show is and why I am so excited, “Tough Love” is a show about women who do all the wrong things when it comes to dating. Usually the show features 8 women who have no idea how to date “properly” and Steve Ward, a well renowned “love expert” so to speak helps them get their ish together. I like the show because Steve Ward is brutally honest, and that is the same way I am. I believe in being respectable of course. Steve Ward doesn’t sugar coat anything. The truth of the matter is that sometimes we need to face the fact that maybe the issue isn’t other people, maybe it’s ourselves. While I think that dating has definitely gotten a lot harder I think that we sometimes make it harder by settling with a lot or expecting way too much. I think this show is great because it shows how dating can be different in different areas. This time, Steve Ward is in Miami and bringing the heat. I personally think Steve Ward is super cute/hot/handsome. In the past I believe it was said that he was not married and single. At the moment I am not aware of his status but if he is still single that would honestly make me wonder, since he’s a “love expert” but hey him being single is fine with me : ) Check out the show and tell me what you think. I hope the premiere doesn’t disappoint, because then all this excitement would have been for nothing and a total flop.


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TMI – too much information …….no seriously

Posted on by Kisses
So on Sunday I was watching one of my favorite shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” with Patti Stanger, and after she was featured on a show in which her fans could ask her questions about relationships. The host asked her what was one of the top mistakes people make on first dates, and she said “TMI”. I thought this was interesting because I was veryyy guilty of doing this myself, so I thought I would write a blog post about it. And I know that I am not the only one that has made this mistake before. For those of you who don’t know what show I am talking about, it is a show on Bravo that is about a matchmaker, Patti Stanger who finds love for millionaires. I came across the show a few months ago and now I’m hooked. While I don’t agree with everything Patti has to say, I agree with a lot. The show appeals to me because, well we all want love and also it shows the common mistakes that we all make sometimes or mistakes we would NEVER make lol. I know for sure that I am definitely going to try to avoid making the TMI mistake again.
During the segment after Patti’s show, she pretty much said that people give too much information about their past relationships or painful situations that they have gone through in their lives way too soon. This appealed to me because there was a situation in which I was getting to know someone at a rough time in my life. I was having what I would call an “emotional week”. I am actually a very private person, but during our first few conversations they asked me about my past relationships and being overly emotional, I told a little too much about them and only focused on the negative. After this happened the guy who will not be named made some assumptions about me and I was livid. The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t have told him anything about the past just as yet. I couldn’t even blame him for making those assumptions. All he had to go on was what I was giving him and what I was showing him. Remember if, “someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Well that was a stupid move on my part and he already had in his mind a picture of me. First impressions are key and we all go through a lot in our lives, but revealing those things right away, show a red flag because the person makes assumptions without knowing all the facts and puts you in a category.
Stay away from TMI….no seriously. It’s kind of like when your friend tells you about their bowel movements and about how much gas they have. WOAA TMI. Or it’s like those facebook statuses that pop up in your newsfeed displaying information you probably shouldn’t know because chances are that person isn’t even that close to you. Yet somehow you know their baby daddy won’t pay child support or that so and so is currently at the mall located at 123 cherry lane. I know this one guy who started to talk to this girl who had lost a male friend. Well, that was all she would talk about and she made it seem as if the relationship they had was deeper than friendship. So the girl asked the guy I know to go with her to the grave site after only knowing him for a few days or was it one day hmm. While I understand that she was going through a lot I think that would turn me off if it was the other way around, because you barely know the person and they are asking you to share a moment that you don’t think you are ready for or even know too much about. It’s too much, it’s too heavy. It’s like meeting someone and saying, “hey I’ve only known you for 24 hours but could you come with me to this funeral”…..AWKWARDD. I think the first time you meet someone should be fun and focused on getting to know a person’s personality and what interests you both share, that way if you guys hit it off then you can share those things as time progresses….just saying.

Courtship is dying………no maybe it’s dead:???

Posted on by Kisses
Definition of courtship as told by Wikipedia: Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.
Do men really court women anymore? Or are women just making it a lot easier for them. I spoke to a guy friend of mine the other day and he told me that he was old fashioned and believed in putting in effort in order to get a woman to be “Wifey”. While I thought this was the sweetest thing ever, I also thought to myself who else really thinks like this in 2011?? I won’t discredit the 5% of men out there that actually do court women, but let’s face it there aren’t that many that have this idea in mind. And to be honest a lot of women aren’t really making it a challenge for men. More and more women today don’t know their worth, and so they just give up their time, their goodies and whatever else a guy wants for little to no effort at all. (Not all women) If women are giving it up that easy or just saying yes to whatever, then why on earth would a guy even feel the need to have to court a woman, and take the time out to do those nice things that all women rightly deserve? I know courtship is dying, because whenever I see a guy open a door for a woman I am shocked. I am delighted, but shocked. I shouldn’t be shocked. What is wrong with showing mannerisms that reflect kindness and respect?  I was on the train going home and an elderly woman had a suitcase that was blocking the walkway, and in a car full of men not one guy offered to help. A woman got up and asked the elderly woman if she needed help and as she helped she proceeded to say, “men nowadays don’t help at all, chivalry is dead, no wonder why so many women become lesbians”….now that’s another post within itself. But that simple act showed me that chivalry and anything of the like is dead or …dying. I’ve had times when I was struggling with bags and not one man in my presence would offer to help. My mother saw a pregnant lady standing up on a train and not one man offered to give up their seat- she was appalled. In my mother’s words exactly:
“We as a generation settle with shit”—-in my opinion she is completely right.
And honestly to the men out there that actually practice chivalry and courtship, kudos to you!!!(If I didn’t include this, my male friends might kill me- and rightfully so, because not everyone thinks chivalry and courtship is dead- hey the world is huge- I would love to travel and see how men in different cultures and places are when it comes to this topic) A lot of guys in my area are giving other guys a bad rep.
Now I am not saying that this is the case for all men, because I know “a few good men”—get it ha ha ha ok bad joke. I know a few men that open doors, help with bags, take women out, get up for pregnant ladies on trains, buy flowers and the whole shebang, but to be honest I don’t see this happening very often. I think alot of women see that this is rare and so they lower their standards and make it easier for a guy to get their time. When in reality guys standards AREN’T CHANGING. They put you in categories, you’re either “wifey”, a “hoe” or “somewhere in the middle.” If you raise your standards they will have to either step it up and put some effort in, or simply keep it moving. Ladies wouldn’t you rather find out from the beginning if he even thinks you are worth the effort? If he doesn’t then you are probably better off. And men we all know you value the “wifey type,” and the women who respect themselves and give you a little mystery. I think a lot of guys don’t like yes women, you know those women that say yes to everything and submit and don’t set standards or morals for themselves. While it would be nice to have a woman or man that says yes to everything it eventually gets boring and that’s when people seek out new interests, new challenges and new people. Men if you’re lazy or you just think that courtship is for suckers and women shouldn’t be treated like the Queens they are then you shouldn’t expect to be treated like a King. For the ladies that do fit in this category, I urge that you get some “higher standards” and lay it on the line. Of course women should do their part too and put in effort, but only for the right Knight in shining armor….just saying.

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