Dear Mr/Mrs. I am having an early life crisis,
You are not alone. Today I turn 25 and a few years ago I would have told you that by age 25 I would have my life all figured out. And I can honestly say I do not. And it is okay. Recently I was freaking out because I am not where I want to be in life, and I am still figuring out who I am. Like many of you there is so much that I still want to accomplish. But why do we have this mentality that if we dont have the best career, house and car by age 25 that we have failed at life? Because that is what society tells us and ofcourse in the words of Will Smith those “parents that just dont understand.” What we dont realize is that success is a state of mind. Think about it. Why are there people that have money, cars and a career that are still unhappy? Because happiness is also a state of mind and when we try to fill this void in our lives with material things we get no where. If you want to be more happy then dont dwell on the unknown. Don’t dwell on the negative. I suggest focusing on the things in life that you do have and using that as a stepping stone to something greater. Think about what you did to get to where you are today. Do not undermine your achievements however small they may seem to you. Take more risks and focus more on positivity and doing things you have always wanted to do or learning about how you can do those things. I am not saying it isnt nice to have those nice things and strive for them, but don’t dwell on those things because at the end of the day life on this earth does end.
I had to take a deep and long hard look at myself, and I can tell you that I have been staring at the mirror for a couple of years now, and I am okay with that. Every time you look in the mirror you will find out something new about yourself. And I mean really look. It is not our circumstances that define who we are, but how we choose to handle them. I am not “rich”, I am not married, and I do not own my own home, but in no way does that mean I am not successful. I have had many blessings and opportunities and wonderful learning experiences.We define what success means in our lives. I have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit. But we should.
I decided instead of sitting at home and being depressed about my so called “early life crisis” to embrace the blessings that I do have and to really search and find who I am. I am indecisive so I struggle a lot with life decisions. So I decided to face my fear and just start trying things I have always wanted to try. So far I have learned the things I love and some things I hate. I learned that I do not like the typical 9 to 5, that I am an infp personality type (makes so much sense), that I will never stop singing and that I love film acting. I also learned that I love to write and that I also love to help people on a personal level. Do I have it all figured out at the tender young age of 25? NOPE. Do I fully know who I am yet? I AM GETTING THERE, but I dont think that process ever stops. You will learn more about yourself everyday if you try new things. And in time you will learn your true purpose or purposes for that matter.
I believe that society has led us to believe that we have to choose ONE career in order to be successful, that is not true, you can do more than one thing as long as you prioritize and work your butt off. We should not defined by our careers. Our careers are just one part of who we are. You are more than just a job. Maybe you are a thrill seeker, a giver, a mother, a daughter, a friend, comedic, lovable, book-smart, whatever it may be, you are so much more. It is important to really enjoy life and the relationships you have with people, because at the end of the day and at the end of your life it will not matter how much you made, what will matter are the memories you have. So 20 somethings of the world if you think you are alone you are not. So many of us have entered the working world; some in careers we have chosen some in careers that chose us, some still trying to find one, but don’t let where you are in your life discourage you. Take a stand and all the things you don’t like in your life, I challenge you to change it. Try, and if you fail okay, so what, try again or move on. It is going to be okay. And please remember that “Success is not measured by the position one has reached in life, but rather by the obstacles one overcomes while trying to succeed.” (Booker T. Washington)
A 20 something on the road to self discovery
Okay some of you are probably thinking, “date yourself” what the hell are you talking about. Well let me explain. I think that in order for a person to love you, you need to not just love yourself first but also be completely comfortable with yourself. My best friend made me realize that I was not comfortable with myself a while back. I love myself dearly but being comfortable was a whole other level. Ask yourself this: Do you do things that you love to do by yourself? Or do you always need a companion by your side to go out and enjoy life? If your friends or a potential date isn’t available do you sit inside thinking “oh well they are flaky i will just stay in tonight” Put an end to that now. Can you go to the movies by yourself and not feel awkward? How about a concert? or those salsa lessons you’ve always wanted to try? Or that new poetry spot. If you feel awkward doing things by yourself then you are probably not fully comfortable with yourself. Of course there are some activities that do require others and I do not suggest going out to eat by yourself but there are plenty of things you can do by yourself.
I think that a person who can go out and enjoy life without needing a significant other or person to validate them or keep them company is the most desirable candidate. Think about it. A person who is comfortable and confident with their own identity will most likely not be needy or clingy because they don’t need another person’s attention to validate their own existence. They simply exist and enjoy life. A significant other would simply complement them but not define them. And why would you want to put so much power in another person’s hand? Honestly some people put a lot of pressure on their mates by relying on them for everything/happiness and that pushes people away. Nobody wants that type of responsibility because the moment they make a mistake or do something wrong they fear they can easily break your heart. The man or woman who has his or her own life and friends, and passions are the most sought out candidates in the dating world. They are strong and confident and can live just fine without another person by their side. They know how to make themselves happy so it makes it easier for them to make a potential candidate even happier. They exude positive energy and everyone loves and wants to be around positive energy.
I love anything comedic for that very reason. Comedy makes me laugh and smiling is good for the soul so I can watch funny videos/shows for hours. The same goes for being around someone, if they exude positive energy you are automatically going to be drawn to them. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative, and always in need of attention. In fact most people want to give others attention when they do not ask for it. Think about it. Usually when a person blows up your phone and gives you no space to breathe you get irritated and you pull away but when they don’t you want to speak to them more. If you are not comfortable in your own skin I suggest you focus on that before you focus on another. People cannot fill the voids that we need to fill ourselves. If you rely on others all the time for your own happiness you will end up unhappy. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself, your health and appearance. Have fun, do things with your friends and put that energy into your career. Love will come when you least expect it and once you know how to truly love yourself you will be able to love someone else.