Tag: relationships

Nice guys do finish last!!!

Posted on by Kisses

You know the saying, “nice guys finish last,” well I agree with this. Now before you scream at me like whatttt, let me explain. In my opinion I think that a woman wants a guy who is a nice guy but has a little bad side to them. When I say bad I mean mysterious and fun. While I do want a good/nice guy, a lot of good guys are not mysterious and give way too much way too soon. I personally want a guy that can keep me on my toes and treat me good at the same time. I like to wonder a little and I like a guy that doesn’t reveal all of himself all at once. While I like some mystery that doesn’t mean I want a guy that leaves me hanging and confused on where we stand, it just means I like a guy that gives me my own space and time to miss him and who will also give me more of himself gradually.
There was this guy I dated once and he was a nice guy but he was just too nice. He always agreed with me, he smothered me and honestly he kissed my a**. That is nice for a little while but after awhile that ish gets boring. I want someone who will tell me when I am wrong and speak their mind. (Respectfully ofcourse : ) We are human and we love challenges, it is just a part of our nature, so if something is too easy after awhile we want something different and new. “Mr. too nice” that I was talking about earlier was also super cheesy. Sometimes when a guy is too nice he comes off cheesy, because it seems like he’s trying too hard. Sometimes the too nice act can come off as phony and just straight thirsty, and nobody wants a thirsty dude…it is simply not cute. There are guys out there that decide you know what I am not going to be nice anymore and I am going to be an a**hole so I can attract more women. I don’t think you need to be an a**hole to attract women. I think that you have to be nice within reason and not give everything up so soon. It’s like sex. If someone gives it up too soon sometimes they can come off as being too easy, and nobody wants an easy girl or guy. It is the same concept for dating, nobody wants someone who isn’t a challenge. Everyone likes a chase. I am not a fan of games so I am a pretty direct person, but at the same time I like to leave certain things up to imagination.
Give someone time to miss you, don’t blow up their phone. Live your life and show the person you are interested in that you care without being too overbearing. If you are too clingy and too nice too soon it comes off as needy, predictable and just okay. You never want to be just “okay” to someone, cause then that means they are just not that into you. As for the a**holes of the world, yeah they might get a lot of traffic coming their way but you have to ask yourself what type of women are they attracting. Are those women secure with who they are? Do they know their self worth? Because if a women is secure with who she is, she won’t put up with a guy who is an a**hole or a dick. I am guilty of putting up with it in the past, but now I refuse to do that, because then not only would nice guys finish last but so would I. The keyword here is balance, balance, balance. Be yourself, live your life, but dont be overbearing, too predictable or thirsty. Don’t give it all away at once. You have so much to give, so spread it out and keep her wondering…..she will stick around to find out more I promise.

If you want me to write about a certain topic, answer a question or you have a comment feel free to email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com

Kisses

Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage

Posted on by Kisses

So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!

Tips For Getting Over A Breakup

Posted on by Kisses

First off I would like to apologize for my absence within the last few weeks. Shame on me, but I will continue to try to write more often. One topic that I really wanted to touch on was breakups. Breakups can be really hard but I dont think that it needs to be terrible. Time heals all wounds but I am going to include some tips that have helped me in the past when I was going through a pretty bad breakup. When it first happens it’s usually really hard to break all ties with someone you are probably used to seeing often and speaking to on a daily basis but if you are truly choosing to breakup without friendship then here are some things that I suggest.

BTW I am actually not a fan of breaking up over petty things, actually even some big things. Like Pleasure P says in his song, “Did you wrong”, “the easiest thing you can do is to leave”. If the person you are with is truly worth it then dont break up because of a stupid argument, something that happened before you were together, insecurities or not wanting to compromise. WORK THAT ISH OUT, no seriously….. (says Ms. Stubborn- hey I’m working on it)

Tip # 1: Watch a Madea Clip- no seriously watch it, it will make you smile
(Update- sadly these clips were removed from youtube)

Tip # 2: Never make someone your everything because the moment the relationship is over you feel like you’ve lost everything, but that’s not the case. Do not base your happiness and well-being on being with another, you need to be happy with yourself first. Have your own life and friends. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals.

Tip # 3: Do not call or text. I know this is easier said than done but doing these things only prolongs the process and if you know you have no intention on getting back with this person there is no reason to waste your time. Label their name as “Do not call” or “Danger”. Or you can delete the number or go as far as getting an app that blocks calls from them.

Tip # 4: If you are a music lover I suggest listening to music, and empowering songs. I listen to music when I am down and it makes me feel so much better. Try to stay away from sad love songs and songs that remind you of your significant person. A song that I think is very uplifting is, “Golden” by Jill Scott.
Tip # 5: Friends, Friends, Friends- Hang out with your friends to take your mind off them. Eventually that person will be an after thought and then you will be able to move on. Also remember they are there for you when you need them.

Tip # 6: If you did all you could do and the relationship still failed- Accept what God has allowed. (I understand not everyone believes in God) So i will also say things happen for a reason. And the truth of the matter is that if you were meant to be with that person it will happen.

Tip # 7: Cry, let it out. Crying doesn’t make you weak. If anything those who have the courage to cry when they are hurt are truly strong people in my eyes. I cry when im upset to myself because I feel like I am cleansing my soul and I feel like a weight is lifted off of me. Remember “the strongest people in the morning, cry themselves to sleep at night”.

Hope this helps. If you have any suggestions or want me to answer a question or discuss a topic feel free to email me at: iwantmykissesback@gmail.com

-Kisses

TMI – too much information …….no seriously

Posted on by Kisses
So on Sunday I was watching one of my favorite shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” with Patti Stanger, and after she was featured on a show in which her fans could ask her questions about relationships. The host asked her what was one of the top mistakes people make on first dates, and she said “TMI”. I thought this was interesting because I was veryyy guilty of doing this myself, so I thought I would write a blog post about it. And I know that I am not the only one that has made this mistake before. For those of you who don’t know what show I am talking about, it is a show on Bravo that is about a matchmaker, Patti Stanger who finds love for millionaires. I came across the show a few months ago and now I’m hooked. While I don’t agree with everything Patti has to say, I agree with a lot. The show appeals to me because, well we all want love and also it shows the common mistakes that we all make sometimes or mistakes we would NEVER make lol. I know for sure that I am definitely going to try to avoid making the TMI mistake again.
During the segment after Patti’s show, she pretty much said that people give too much information about their past relationships or painful situations that they have gone through in their lives way too soon. This appealed to me because there was a situation in which I was getting to know someone at a rough time in my life. I was having what I would call an “emotional week”. I am actually a very private person, but during our first few conversations they asked me about my past relationships and being overly emotional, I told a little too much about them and only focused on the negative. After this happened the guy who will not be named made some assumptions about me and I was livid. The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t have told him anything about the past just as yet. I couldn’t even blame him for making those assumptions. All he had to go on was what I was giving him and what I was showing him. Remember if, “someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Well that was a stupid move on my part and he already had in his mind a picture of me. First impressions are key and we all go through a lot in our lives, but revealing those things right away, show a red flag because the person makes assumptions without knowing all the facts and puts you in a category.
Stay away from TMI….no seriously. It’s kind of like when your friend tells you about their bowel movements and about how much gas they have. WOAA TMI. Or it’s like those facebook statuses that pop up in your newsfeed displaying information you probably shouldn’t know because chances are that person isn’t even that close to you. Yet somehow you know their baby daddy won’t pay child support or that so and so is currently at the mall located at 123 cherry lane. I know this one guy who started to talk to this girl who had lost a male friend. Well, that was all she would talk about and she made it seem as if the relationship they had was deeper than friendship. So the girl asked the guy I know to go with her to the grave site after only knowing him for a few days or was it one day hmm. While I understand that she was going through a lot I think that would turn me off if it was the other way around, because you barely know the person and they are asking you to share a moment that you don’t think you are ready for or even know too much about. It’s too much, it’s too heavy. It’s like meeting someone and saying, “hey I’ve only known you for 24 hours but could you come with me to this funeral”…..AWKWARDD. I think the first time you meet someone should be fun and focused on getting to know a person’s personality and what interests you both share, that way if you guys hit it off then you can share those things as time progresses….just saying.

Courtship is dying………no maybe it’s dead:???

Posted on by Kisses
Definition of courtship as told by Wikipedia: Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.
Do men really court women anymore? Or are women just making it a lot easier for them. I spoke to a guy friend of mine the other day and he told me that he was old fashioned and believed in putting in effort in order to get a woman to be “Wifey”. While I thought this was the sweetest thing ever, I also thought to myself who else really thinks like this in 2011?? I won’t discredit the 5% of men out there that actually do court women, but let’s face it there aren’t that many that have this idea in mind. And to be honest a lot of women aren’t really making it a challenge for men. More and more women today don’t know their worth, and so they just give up their time, their goodies and whatever else a guy wants for little to no effort at all. (Not all women) If women are giving it up that easy or just saying yes to whatever, then why on earth would a guy even feel the need to have to court a woman, and take the time out to do those nice things that all women rightly deserve? I know courtship is dying, because whenever I see a guy open a door for a woman I am shocked. I am delighted, but shocked. I shouldn’t be shocked. What is wrong with showing mannerisms that reflect kindness and respect?  I was on the train going home and an elderly woman had a suitcase that was blocking the walkway, and in a car full of men not one guy offered to help. A woman got up and asked the elderly woman if she needed help and as she helped she proceeded to say, “men nowadays don’t help at all, chivalry is dead, no wonder why so many women become lesbians”….now that’s another post within itself. But that simple act showed me that chivalry and anything of the like is dead or …dying. I’ve had times when I was struggling with bags and not one man in my presence would offer to help. My mother saw a pregnant lady standing up on a train and not one man offered to give up their seat- she was appalled. In my mother’s words exactly:
“We as a generation settle with shit”—-in my opinion she is completely right.
And honestly to the men out there that actually practice chivalry and courtship, kudos to you!!!(If I didn’t include this, my male friends might kill me- and rightfully so, because not everyone thinks chivalry and courtship is dead- hey the world is huge- I would love to travel and see how men in different cultures and places are when it comes to this topic) A lot of guys in my area are giving other guys a bad rep.
Now I am not saying that this is the case for all men, because I know “a few good men”—get it ha ha ha ok bad joke. I know a few men that open doors, help with bags, take women out, get up for pregnant ladies on trains, buy flowers and the whole shebang, but to be honest I don’t see this happening very often. I think alot of women see that this is rare and so they lower their standards and make it easier for a guy to get their time. When in reality guys standards AREN’T CHANGING. They put you in categories, you’re either “wifey”, a “hoe” or “somewhere in the middle.” If you raise your standards they will have to either step it up and put some effort in, or simply keep it moving. Ladies wouldn’t you rather find out from the beginning if he even thinks you are worth the effort? If he doesn’t then you are probably better off. And men we all know you value the “wifey type,” and the women who respect themselves and give you a little mystery. I think a lot of guys don’t like yes women, you know those women that say yes to everything and submit and don’t set standards or morals for themselves. While it would be nice to have a woman or man that says yes to everything it eventually gets boring and that’s when people seek out new interests, new challenges and new people. Men if you’re lazy or you just think that courtship is for suckers and women shouldn’t be treated like the Queens they are then you shouldn’t expect to be treated like a King. For the ladies that do fit in this category, I urge that you get some “higher standards” and lay it on the line. Of course women should do their part too and put in effort, but only for the right Knight in shining armor….just saying.

Want to see a topic on my blog? email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com