April 2012 - I Want My Kisses Back

Hey guys so this was another requested topic and I must say it is a popular topic especially in today’s society filled with media and online interactions. I love the requests and feedback, so please keep it coming. Now first I would like to say that I do not see a problem with online dating and I am all for it. Did you know that 1 in 5 relationships start out from online dating websites (lol- i couldnt help but sound like that match.com commercial) With that said online dating is not for everyone. I am not currently on any dating websites but I have used one in the past so I think I can give a little input based on my experience and opinion. Also I have quite a few friends that are on dating websites themselves. I don’t think being on a dating website is something to be ashamed of. Today everyone is so busy, and meeting someone in the club is getting old and not really the best place in my opinion. If you choose to try online dating I suggest researching all the different sites that they have out there. They have paid sites like match.com and eharmony and then there are free sites like plenty of fish and okcupid. I have used okcupid and it has it’s ups and downs. First things first if you are going to try online dating PLEASE BE safe. I cannot stress it enough.

Do’s:
-Meet in a public place, like a mall or well known area – if you are in the NY area- i like times square because there are cops everywhere, or a starbucks
-Tell a friend where you are going and with whom
-You can look up the person online- background check- if you feel it is necessary
-If possible turn on the GPS feature on your phone while on the date
-Go on a couple of dates and really get to know a person before you let them in on private details of your life (like exactly where you work or live)
-Be Truthful on your page, for ex: if you have kids, put that information on your page, if you leave that info out it makes it seem as if your kids are not important to you or like you are trying to hide something
-Be positive, nobody likes a negative debby downer or party pooper
-Put up a nice picture that is about 3/4 of your head and your body that shows you smiling and represents who you are in a positive way
-Read a potential dater’s FULL PAGE- don’t half ass it- you will regret it later

Dont’s:
-Don’t put up a ronchy picture- meaning don’t put up a picture showing too much skin, or pushing your butt out and your boobs or a picture of your genitals(highly inappropriate btw) this gives off the wrong message and if you are looking for something serious, it won’t be the vibe you give off simply from a picture
-Have a picture, if you are on a dating website without a picture, shame on you, its not fair that you know what they look like but they don’t know what you look like-don’t be a creeper
-Don’t send one line messages- it tends to get old, bring up something or ask a question
-Do not meet at your house or at your date’s house, this goes for guys/girls you meet offline too
– Do not get drunk with this person- you do not want a stranger taking advantage of you
-Be Vague- if there is no information on your page why would anyone want to date you or even have an interest- you might get lucky if you have a great picture, but then you know that they only contacted you because of your picture and nothing else
-Don’t fabricate-i can usually detect bs from a mile away- leave it at the door

****Now in my opinion here is the Pros and Cons of online dating- from the perspective of Okcupid

Pros:
-Okcupid provides questions that you can answer that show how compatible you might be with another person- that way if you don’t have that much of a compatability percentage you don’t need to date them
-You can decide who you want to contact and who cant contact you- married individuals, smokers etc
-You can get to know someone from a distance before you even decide you want to take time out and actually meet them
-You can meet more people than you would normally meet outside in a shorter amount of time
-It saves time
-There is somewhat of a screening process-depending on what website you use

Cons:
-Not everyone is who they say they are-beware of fakes- be safe and do your research
-Some people have very blank pages- but you do not need to write them or respond to them
-Sometimes there are creeps and weirdos that send you creepy or disturbing messages- BLOCK THEM or report them
-Some people only have one picture up that shows nothing or shows a side profile which doesn’t let you know exactly what they look like- ask for more pictures- if they refuse- keep it moving
-Some people don’t look like their pictures- this has not happened to me but I have heard stories from friends- smh smh
-People fabricate their profiles to make them sound like they are selling a really amazing product—if it seems too phony- walk away- no one is perfect

Be Truthful, Be SAFE and remember to have fun and be yourself : )

Kisses

So you were dating this amazing guy and you decided to not date any other guys while seeing him, but now he has moved on and left you high and dry for the next chick faster than you can say, “but baby why”. And now you are wondering what you did wrong. How can you fix it? etc This is a requested topic. A friend of mine wanted to know my thoughts on dating different men at the same and for the sake of the request I will keep it gender specific but what I have to say applies to both men and women and all types of dating relationships. No one is exempt lol. My thoughts are simple… I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating more than one guy at the same time, and when I say dating I do not mean being in a committed relationship, i mean simply that, “dating”.

Most guys date women simultaneously. It is called playing the field. Getting to know different people and feeling them out before you make a decision to commit. When a guy does it, it is seen as keeping his options open but sometimes when a woman does it she is seen as loose or not desirable. That is complete and utter bull*** and a double standard that i do not endorse. I think that women should play the field and get to know different guys within reason. Dating is time consuming and sometimes costly if you have to pay to get to the person etc so choose who you date wisely. Also if you do date other men, when one decides to dip on you it will be easier to deal with because you have other options. If a guy has his options open I do not see why you can’t have your options open as well.

While I think it is okay to date other guys at the same time I think that it is important that you inform the guys that you are dating that you are dating or talking to other people. I don’t think its cool to keep that information from someone you are seeing, they have a right to know that. Also there is absolutely nothing wrong with just seeing one person at a time. Some people like to do that because they like to just focus on one person at a time but make sure you know where the other person stands on this as well so that if they are seeing other people, you know. You shouldn’t choose to see other people out of spite, do it simply because you want to. Here is the tricky part, while i think it is okay to date or talk to different guys at the same time I don’t think a woman should be having sex with all of the men she is seeing. This puts you at risk for getting a disease or getting pregnant. I think if you do choose to take it to that level that is when you should decide on one person that you are intimate with in order to keep yourself safe. While dating other guys is a good way to really figure out what you want and meet new people there is always a possibility that a guy that you really like can hurt you and that is why it is so important to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin before you date. If you don’t love yourself the moment a guy disappears you will be so distraught and feel like you’ve lost everything when in reality you didn’t lose much just a guy who isnt the one.

Kisses
Do you want to give feedback? Do you have a story or topic you want to share? Email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
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